I’m not entirely sure how or even where to start so I’ll just start.
My general idea with this blog was to write about things that mattered to me, my reflections around it, and what I’ve learned during the whole thinking process. You know, like most self-help books, since I’ve been reading some throughout 2015. A lot. Some were good and life changing, some were downright horrible and waste of my god damn money and it was time of my life I will never be getting back (seriously, W T F).
I was meant to write things as I discovered them, new ideas, experiences, feelings, solutions to all life’s problems, things that could perhaps help others, you know, offer new points of view to consider. But I’m only human, and as a human being I have history, childhood, growing up, past experiences and as such, a choice I made (although highly human and naive) a year ago ended up ruining me.
It’s hard to help others when I can’t even help myself, so for the most part 2015 was about me trying to keep my head over water, questioning my decisions in life, and rebuilding everything. I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced this type of thing: The point in life where you personally grow, and everything just changes for the better. Your perceptions, your goals, your relationships, views, social circles, etc. You just wake up one day, different. Kind of just shed your personality skin and evolve into someone better. It’s still you, but better.
In 2015 I’ve learned many valuable lessons, some of them are:
- Loving whole-heartedly is a beautiful experience, but it can also fucking leave you in ruins. It’s simply the way life is. Regardless what happened to you however, you WILL be able to love again even though the light in the end of the tunnel have gone out.
- Trust is earned and is one of the most treasured personality traits to me. I will never let you near me if I cant trust you, and I learned it the hard way.
- What is considered as “sensitive” to one person, might not necessarily be considered as sensitive to others. If there is something you wish to keep secret, simply keep it to yourself. As trust is earned, like best friends usually do, you can consider sharing things with them. Otherwise, shit can’t spread if you don’t pass it along.
- Feelings are real, and your mind makes them real. Be mindful of your inner dialog (there will be an article on this soon).
- People are gonna people. They do “whatever the fuck they wanna do“, regardless of what you think about it. Consideration is a scarce currency these days, do not expect it from anyone.
- Shit can make you bitter and sad. Having great friends is a blessing and can help you get back on track of the positive and great things in life. Seriously no money can buy a close, tight-nit circle of friends.
- Self-compassion was a master key that unlocked mostly all the doors I thought were closed to me. My personality changed dramatically, and so did the quality of life. Permanently. I will write a few extensive posts about this in the near future.
- Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries and even more boundaries. Know them. Know your limits. Don’t be afraid to enforce them, or make them known. There are a great deal of things I am simply not interested in hearing, and I am ruthless with this boundary. I have no shame in enforcing this.
- Like bad weather, bad experiences and their damage will eventually pass, and be replaced with sunny, warm weather. It’s not going to be bad forever, no matter what your feelings tell you.
- No matter what feelings you feel, feel them whole-heartedly, without a shred of doubt. Live fully, regardless of the nature of feelings. Resisting feelings will make them stronger. However, be mindful of the bad ones and the effect they can have on your decision making. Accept them for what they are, just feelings, not a reality, give yourself a pat on the back for a shitty time you might be having at the time, and shift focus on the future ahead.
- You’re a human being, flawed and perfect at the same time. This also means you are suffering of cognitive bias, dissonance and ambivalence. Worth noting: your views are highly affected by your inner dialog and level of introspection. “People can only meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves.” and my experiences (in myself and in others) confirm this, but by no means are a scientific fact.
Up next in a future article: “Self-compassion and how it can potentially solve all of your problems”.